These are the two words that I choose to describe today. I had no idea that it was World Mental Health Awareness Day until I clicked on Facebook and saw all the banners and posts on my News Feed. Mind, Time to Change, Newsbeat, Blurt. Not to mention some of my fellow friends who are trying their best to raise awareness.
It’s IRONIC because tomorrow after pushing it away for many months I am facing the shame that I feel and going back to the doctors to talk about my Mental Health.
RAW because that’s how I feel most of the time. Vulnerable… Pitiful, Pathetic. Because that’s generally how depression makes you feel.
‘There is nothing to be ashamed about’
Define ok? Do you really want me to tell you how it feels?
Not wanting to wash your hair for days
Not moving from the sofa for hours, feeling jumpy when anyone comes home
Crying yourself to sleep, crying yourself awake
Worrying that your partner will leave you
Waves of anxiety attacks
Lonely, no-one wants a needy friend
Rapid weight gain through eating too much crap
Drinking too much to make the pain go away
Not answering the phone or the door
Feeling not quite there…
Did I mention the guilt? AND the perpetual tiredness AND the totally consuming negativity???
Picture perfect huh?
IT feels shit.
So, I guess that World Mental Health Day is quite timely.
This is my Mental Health Day, be brave, tomorrow can be different.
Tomorrow will be different.